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Sinnou N: The Art of Kissing Up

The Art of Kissing Up

You walk away from a conversation and something feels off - but you can't name it. Sound familiar? 
Most communication books tell you what to say. The Conversation Doctor tells you what's actually happening - in your brain, your body, and your relationship - the moment two people start talking. 
What you'll discover: 
- Why your nervous system is always at the table - and how to work with it, not against it 
- The hidden mechanics behind conversations that derail, disconnect, or quietly damage trust 
- How psychological safety shapes every exchange - at home, in meetings, and in high-stakes moments 
- Practical tools rooted in Nonviolent Communication to restore calm, clarity, and connection - even when tension fills the room 
This book is for you if: 
- You lead teams and want to build real trust, not just manage conflict 
- You're navigating difficult relationships - at work or at home 
- You're neurodivergent or work with neurodivergent people and want to understand why communication feels harder 
- You're tired of feel-good advice and want something evidence-based and immediately applicable 
Drawing on neuroscience, linguistics, psychology, and years of experience as a lobbyist, coach, and strategic storyteller, Leen Vermeersch treats conversations not as soft skills - but as processes with their own underlying laws. 
This is not a feel-good plan. It's a feel-real guide. Accessible, evidence-based, and built for people who want to understand - not just improve - the way they connect.

What really happens when we speak to each other

The Conversation Doctor

HBR's 10 Must Reads

Balance being a leader with being an individual contributor.Collaborator. Communicator. Creator. Coach. Conduit. The pandemic, and the resultant ever-evolving landscape of hybrid work, highlighted that we're asking more of our mid-level managers than ever. You balance leading your team with maintaining your high-level individual performance. You provide feedback and coaching, support your people through tough times, field requests large and small, and communicate in every direction. Mid-level managers are the key to managing a hybrid workforce, leading innovation, managing talent, and helping your organization—and its people—adapt to our changing world.If you read nothing else on being an effective mid-level manager, read these 10 articles by experts in the field. We've combed through hundreds of Harvard Business Review articles and selected the best ones to help you manage up and down, interpret and distill important messages, lobby for time and resources for key projects and players, and lead change—all while getting things done.This book will inspire you to:<ul><li>Build teams and develop talent</li><li>Transform your role from intermediary to innovator</li><li>Encourage critical thinking</li><li>Foster a culture of psychological safety</li><li>Lead change by leveraging internal networks</li><li>Understand the cognitive and emotional drain of having both high and low power</li><li>Form partnerships at every level of the organization</li></ul>HBR's 10 Must Reads paperback series is the definitive collection of books for new and experienced leaders alike. Leaders looking for the inspiration that big ideas provide, both to accelerate their own growth and that of their companies, should look no further. HBR's 10 Must Reads series focuses on the core topics that every ambitious manager needs to know: leadership, strategy, change, managing people, and managing yourself. Harvard Business Review has sorted through hundreds of articles and selected only the most essential reading on each topic. Each title includes timeless advice that will be relevant regardless of an ever‐changing business environment.

HBR's 10 Must Reads for Mid-Level Managers

&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Get what you need to achieve your objectives and produce results&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt; &lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;Influence Without Authority&lt;/i&gt; is the classic guide to getting what you need from people you don't control. Getting things done requires collaboration, and convincing others to contribute requires political skill; this book introduces the Exchange Model, in which you get what you need by offering something of value in return. The key lies in knowing what the other person values—that's their "currency," and it's your immediate tool for coaxing their cooperation. This model has been proven over decades, as organizations around the world have turned away from frustration and resignation toward collaboration and results. This book shows you how to implement the Exchange Model at the personal, team, and organizational level to raise the bar for performance and leadership.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;p&gt;This new third edition has been updated reflect the changing face of the workplace, and includes new examples and information on geographically dispersed virtual teams. Supplementary materials facilitate classroom and training use with discussions, role-play, videos, and other ancillaries that deepen understanding and promote practical application.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;ul&gt; &lt;li&gt;Get what you need from the people who have it through mutual exchange&lt;/li&gt; &lt;li&gt;Think in terms of interest, and pinpoint the "currencies" other people trade in&lt;/li&gt; &lt;li&gt;Apply the Exchange Model across entire organizations to lead major change&lt;/li&gt; &lt;/ul&gt; &lt;ul&gt; &lt;li&gt;Learn practical real-world strategies for influencing those you do not control&lt;/li&gt; &lt;/ul&gt; &lt;p&gt;The ability to influence those not under your authority is becoming ever more valuable. Organizations are flattening, and outside contractors are taking on larger roles than ever before—getting results now means lateral cooperation, often across borders, time zones, organizations, and more. &lt;i&gt;Influence Without Authority&lt;/i&gt; provides a proven model for success in this new environment, with expert guidance for real-world application.&lt;/p&gt;

Allan R. Cohen

David L. Bradford

Influence Without Authority

A practical, user-friendly guide to the most dreaded of all business tasks. Written by two top business trainers, this guide reveals the strategies and language skills needed to make the most of performance appraisals-for both the reviewers and the reviewed. It breaks the process into five simple steps and explains what to say with hundreds of winning phrases organized by topic (and hundreds of counterproductive phrases too). Also included is advice on preparing an agenda, body language, and tone of voice-plus true success and horror stories.

Phrases and Strategies for Painless and Productive PerformanceReviews

How To Say It Performance Reviews

<div>Managing your boss just got easier Having a good working relationship with the person in charge is crucial to enjoying a positive and fulfilling work life. All of the problems created by difficult relationships can be avoided, in many cases, by simply learning the skills to successfully 'manage' your boss. Most of us think that it is the other way around - that the boss manages us - but the astute employee knows that it works both ways. If you understand how your boss operates, the inner working of their brain and their personality, you are far better able to meet their needs as an employee. And an employee who meets the needs and expectations of their boss will be a popular employee indeed! This book guides you through the process of managing your boss so as to ensure that you are ideally placed to become their favourite employee. Whether you choose to read it in a week or in a single sitting, this is your fastest route to success: - Sunday: What kind of animal is the 'boss'? - Monday: What type of boss do you have? - Tuesday: Using the psychological contract to manage your boss - Wednesday: How to impress your boss - Thursday: Getting more from your boss - Friday: Dealing with the boss from hell - Saturday: Common problems with managing the boss</div>

Managing Up In Seven Simple Steps

Managing Your Boss In A Week

&lt;b&gt;Lead from any level with the power of buy-in&lt;/b&gt; &lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;Work with Me&lt;/i&gt; shows you how to master the art of the 'buy-in.' You achieve better results when people go along with your ideas because they &lt;i&gt;want&lt;/i&gt; to, not because they &lt;i&gt;have&lt;/i&gt; to; the key is knowing how to build that kind of commitment This is the art of buy-in, and it's one of the most powerful skills you can have. When people are fully on board, they bring their full selves to the project. This drives their priorities, their performance, their innovation and ultimately, your outcome. Buy-in sits at the heart of creative and collaborative cultures; it drives highly adaptive and nimble teams. This book is a how-to guide for achieving buy-in, regardless of your leadership level. It's not about using power and authority, it's about building support and commitment to your ideas and initiatives. You can lead from any level, even laterally, and have a positive impact on the way things are done in your organisation. This book is your coach for speaking up, standing out and embracing the changes that fuel engaged workplaces and better business. &lt;ul&gt; &lt;li&gt;Build engagement, agreement, commitment and ownership&lt;/li&gt; &lt;li&gt;Overcome obstacles and drive stellar performance&lt;/li&gt; &lt;li&gt;Deliver optimal outcomes through enthusiastic collaboration&lt;/li&gt; &lt;li&gt;Boost creativity, passion, energy and focus&lt;/li&gt; &lt;/ul&gt; &lt;p&gt;In the shift from traditional industrial economies to a value-focused economy of ideas, organisations thrive on great ideas, but those ideas don't count unless they're actually implemented. &lt;i&gt;Work with Me&lt;/i&gt; shows you how to get people on board so you can bring great ideas to life.

Simon Dowling

How to Get People to Buy into Your Ideas

Work with Me

The Right Altitude Field Guide

Managing up isn't politics. It's translation.

You do excellent work. The people who decide your future have no idea. Your boss knows, mostly, but the room where the promotion gets decided is full of people who have never seen what you do. When your name comes up, your boss can't make the case, because you never gave them the words. "He's great" isn't an argument. 3 years of great work, invisible to the people who mattered most. The gap was never your performance. Nobody translated it upward.

Most leaders who feel micromanaged, overlooked, or second-guessed decide the boss is the problem. Usually it's the format. The thorough weekly report sitting unread in a verbal processor's inbox. The 30-slide deck when the boss needed 3 bullets. Good work doesn't speak for itself. It whispers.

This field guide is about making your value visible without playing politics. It's built around 5 practices for the most consequential relationship you have at work:

Reading Your Boss. Learn how your boss takes in information, how they decide, and what keeps them up at night, using the Boss Decoder and the Information Pyramid. Then deliver your work in the format that actually lands, including when your boss is overwhelmed, new to the level, or being managed out.

The Strategic Narrative. Your boss doesn't need your 30 slides. They need your 3 sentences: what you're doing, why it matters to their priorities, and what's next. A story they can repeat in a talent review without you in the room.

The Friday Update. 3 bullets, every week: what moved, what's coming, and the thing your boss should know. It quiets the ad hoc status requests and builds the record that speaks for you when you're not in the room.

The Sponsor Map. Name the 5 people who influence your next career move and what each one actually knows about your work. Learn the difference between a mentor, an advocate, and a sponsor, so your career doesn't hang on a single relationship.

Pushing Back Without Pushing Away. Disagree before the decision, commit fully after it, and build a track record that makes your agreement mean something. Plus what to do when your boss can't take pushback.

Start with the 5-question diagnostic to find your weakest link, then go straight to the practice that fixes it. Every practice comes with coaching questions, a 48-hour experiment, and a 30-day build. Section Three names the 5 managing up patterns (the Whisper, the Single Pipeline, the Echo, the Reporter, and the Avoider), the seams where 2 practices quietly fail together, a plan for your first 90 days with a new boss, and a timeline so you don't quit before it works. An appendix covers the boss types you'll meet, from the Flamethrower and the Gatekeeper to the Ghost and the Oracle, with what changes in how you work with each.

The stories are drawn from coaching conversations.

The goal was never to manage your boss. You can't. The goal is to manage what you do control: what reaches them, in what form, and how often.

Part of The Right Altitude Field Guide series: short, practical guides by executive coach Don Eash, MCC, ACTC.

Working With Your Boss Without Losing Yourself

The Right Altitude Field Guide to Managing Up

Are you avoiding an uncomfortable conversation at work? If you're an executive or a team leader, strengthening your organization's ability to have difficult conversations is necessary and worth the discomfort. The key to successful dialogue starts and ends with changing the conversation. Recognizing that it takes two people to engage in meaningful outcomes, Can We Talk? outlines what each contributor needs to do to achieve the best possible result. Using examples from everyday work situations, this book offers guidance on how to create the right conditions for a meaningful discussion. The author identifies the seven key principles that enable both parties to gain a deeper understanding of what the other person may be thinking and will help establish their point of view more clearly: confidence, clarity, compassion, curiosity, compromise, credibility, courage. Can We Talk? includes examples and advice from those who have been there and thrived, as well as lessons learned from conversation failures and example scripts of productive conversations. Readers will learn how to prepare, start and manage the potentially challenging exchange of words that typically occur at work, and come away with an understanding that for any conversation to take place, both parties must be engaged.

Seven Principles for Managing Difficult Conversations at Work

Can We Talk?

A Wall Street Journal Bestseller! Now fully revised and updated in this paperback edition Congratulations, you’re a manager! After you pop the champagne, accept the shiny new title, and step into this thrilling next chapter of your career, the truth descends like a fog: You don’t really know what you’re doing That’s exactly how Julie Zhuo felt when she became a rookie manager at the age of twenty-five. She stared at a long list of challenges—from hiring to firing, from meeting to messaging, from planning to pitching—and faced a thousand questions and uncertainties. How was she supposed to spin teamwork into value? How could she be a good steward of her reports’ careers? What was the secret to leading with confidence in new and unexpected situations? Having now managed teams spanning tens of people to hundreds, Zhuo is ready to share the answers to all those questions, and more. The most important lesson of all? Great managers are made, not born. And if you’re reading this book, you’re already on your way to becoming a great manager. In this revised and updated edition of The Making of a Manager, new managers will discover the transformative insights and practical examples that made the original an instant classic, along with essential new guidance for today’s challenges—including how to build trust and maintain morale during downturns and layoffs, and how to foster culture and connection while managing remote teams. Whether you’re new to the job, a veteran leader, or looking to be promoted, this is the handbook you need to be the manager you’ve always wanted.

What to Do When Everyone Looks to You

The Making of a Manager

"The best advice is simple, direct, and immediately actionable. Roberta delivers on all this and more. A lifesaving guide for any new manager!" - Marshall GoldsmithAs companies reorganize and reengineer, people are finding themselves tossed into management every day with little to no training or preparation. Literally two books in one, Suddenly in Charge provides all of the tools necessary to be successful at managing up and down the line of any organization. In addition to updates to all chapters, this revised and updated edition features 7 new chapters aligned to modern approaches to management. New topics include: executive presence, working with a coach or mentor, employee retention, creating purpose, the multi-generational workforce and more.

Managing Up, Managing Down, Succeeding All Around

Suddenly in Charge

Congratulations, you're a manager! After you pop the champagne, accept the shiny new title, and step into this thrilling next chapter of your career, the truth descends like a fog: you don't really know what you're doing. That's exactly how Julie Zhuo felt when she became a rookie manager at the age of 25. She stared at a long list of logistics--from hiring to firing, from meeting to messaging, from planning to pitching--and faced a thousand questions and uncertainties. How was she supposed to spin teamwork into value? How could she be a good steward of her reports' careers? What was the secret to leading with confidence in new and unexpected situations? Now, as the vice president of design across the Facebook app, Julie knows the most important lesson of all: great managers are made, not born. If you care enough to be reading this, then you care enough to be a great manager. The Making of a Manager is a modern field guide packed everyday examples and transformative insights, including: * How to tell a great manager from an average manager (illustrations included) * When you should look past an awkward interview and hire someone anyway * How to build trust with your reports through not being a boss * Where to look when you lose faith and lack the answers Whether you're new to the job, a veteran leader, or looking to be promoted, this is the handbook you need to be the kind of manager you wish you had.

The Art of Kissing Up

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