The Things We Never Asked
When a parent needs help, the questions you have never asked can become the decisions you have to make.
Where are the important papers? Who could pay the bills or speak with the doctor? What kind of care would your parent want, and how would the family pay for it?
The Things We Never Asked: Conversations with Aging Parents About Money, Care, and What Comes Next helps adult children begin these conversations and prepare for the responsibilities that may follow. Drawing on more than 25 years as an attorney, Patrick Herring connects estate planning with the everyday realities of helping an aging parent.
Inside, you will learn how to:
- Start difficult conversations while respecting your parent's independence, wishes, and privacy.
- Understand wills, trusts, powers of attorney, healthcare documents, and who has authority to act.
- Organize financial records, important documents, professional contacts, and emergency information.
- Plan for care and housing costs, manage routine bills, and navigate insurance, benefits, and claims.
- Share family responsibilities, set realistic caregiving limits, and address disagreements.
- Recognize concerns involving memory, decision-making, or possible financial exploitation.
- Prepare for changes after a spouse dies, decisions about the home and possessions, and the work that follows a parent's death.
Eight companion worksheets help you turn conversations into an organized record of priorities, information, responsibilities, and next steps. Conversation starters, questions to bring to professionals, and a plain-English glossary make unfamiliar topics easier to approach.
Whether you are preparing well in advance or responding to a change already underway, you can begin with the questions that matter most to your family.
Start the conversation now, while there is time to listen, understand, and prepare together.